Slurpee Theology

For the Lord holds in his hand a cup full of foaming wine mixed with spices, and pours it out. Surely all the wicked of the earth will slurp it up and drink it to its very last drop. – Psalm 75:8 (NET) 

Every year on July 11^th, I head to the nearest 7/11 convenience store in honor of the best holiday ever invented: free Slurpee day. In the height of the sticky summer heat nothing is more refreshing than a beverage that is one part crushed ice and two parts blue sugar water.  

I searched scripture for affirmation of my favorite frozen treat, and was dismayed to discover neither Slurpee nor slushie, snow cone nor shaved ice, found their way into the good book. The only two biblical references to slurping are punishments for wicked people who greedily, and unknowingly, slurp up God’s judgment without pausing to realize what they are consuming. 

(Cue dramatic shluuuuuuuurp sound.) 

The psalmist is, rightly so, less concerned with the Slurpees of today and more concerned with injustice that seems to be timeless. God’s wrath is focused on oppressive forces rather than the sugary substance of a silly holiday. 

God may chuckle when I get a brain freeze today, but there’s nothing to laugh about when we freeze instead of acting in the face of violence. 

My stomach might ache from too much blue sugar water, but God aches when we poison the earth’s waters.  

If the psalmist is correct, we should save our slurping for straws and slow down enough to ensure we are living in right relationship for the sake of ourselves, our children, and all of creation.  

Prayer
Slurpees are sweet; God’s justice is sweeter – to the last drop. Amen.

About the Author
Liz Miller serves as the Designated Pastor of Granby Congregational Church, UCC and is the author of Only Work Sundays: A Laidback Guide to Doing Less while Helping Your Church Thrive.