The Right Way Is Their Way

Train children in the right way, and when old they will not stray. – Proverbs 22:6 (NRSV) 

In a church I used to serve, a bumper crop of 12 babies were born during one absurd, jubilant 7-month stretch. 

Seeing so many babies in such proximity week after week meant comparisons. They all had personalities, passions, and proclivities. Some were quiet, some loud. Some were very sensitive, crying all the time at how uncomfortable the world was. Some were prodigies who smiled and even laughed well before the others. Some were dreamy, staring into the future. Some didn’t miss a trick, observant and wary.  

Proverbs 22:6, one of the few parenting stratagems to be found in the Bible, is often translated “Train up a child in the right way, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”  

Rather: mis-translated. There is no “right way” to raise a child, no one-size-fits-all parenting proverb, biblical or otherwise. Every new human is as unique as the God who made them. A more accurate, literal translation of the proverb is: “Train the child in their own way, and when older they will not stray.” Not the “right” way, but their way, the way that is right for them.  

At 11 days old, baby Jesus was probably already showcasing the personality that would emerge later in life: the curious, brave, adventurous 12-year-old who stayed in the Temple in Jerusalem long after his parents left. A bit defiant, definitely self-differentiated, inclusive and expansive. Lucky for him, while his parents worried, they didn’t snowplow problems from his path. A carpentering family, they understood that God had given Jesus his own unique grain and didn’t want to work against that grain, which would risk wrecking it.  

Noticing the grain of the children in our care—who they really are, and what they need to become fully themselves—is the holiest thing we can do. Who knows: we may even be helping to raise the next Jesus.  

Prayer
God, thank you for the babies and kids in my life. Help me to truly notice, truly understand, and truly love them into greater becoming.

About the Author
Rev. Molly Baskette is the lead pastor of First Church Berkeley UCC and the author of books about church renewal, parenting, spiritual growth and more. Sign up for her author newsletter or get information about her newest book at mollybaskette.com.