But—No, And
O Most High, when I am afraid, I put my trust in you. – Psalm 56:2b-3 (NRSV)
At my house, we (my spouse, our youngest child now in college, and I) have very different ways of dealing with the worries of the world around us. College student asks questions: many, many, many questions. My spouse leans into pragmatism: we can’t address things that have not happened yet, but we can work to sustain the communities that will serve together to care for those in harm’s way. And I? Well, my first response to existential angst is an absolute freakout, a cascade of worst-case scenarios, a blizzard of imagined disasters that shut me down like school on a stormy Monday morning but without the joyous relief of a pajama day.
Yet because I am a person of faith, I turn to the words that have brought me back to center in the past. On just such a recent Monday morning, when I struggled to find words to pray, I sat and wrestled with fear for a long time. I let myself spin with worry. Then I remembered that when we are afraid, the psalmist offers words when we have none.
I hope if you asked the other members of my household how I respond in difficulty, they would not overemphasize the part where I got stuck like a snow-shoer who steps off the path into a drift and cannot reclaim their footing. I hope if you asked, they would tell you that after an understandable time of feeling how I felt, I got myself together, as they did, too: sitting with the answers, surveying the needs at hand, and putting trust where it belongs.
Prayer
I am afraid, Holy One, but—no, and—I will put my trust in you. Amen.
About the AuthorMartha Spong is a UCC pastor, a clergy coach, and editor of The Words of Her Mouth: Psalms for the Struggle, from The Pilgrim Press.