Necessary Truths
Even though my letter hurt you, I don’t regret it. Well—I did regret it just a bit because I see that that letter made you sad… Now I’m glad—not because you were sad but because you were made sad enough to change your hearts and lives. – 2 Corinthians 7:8-9a (CEB)
As he often did, a fired-up Paul sent a letter to set people right. This time he went overboard. Got too harsh. Maybe too personal. It was hurtful. But after the hurt decreased, folks separated his message from his words, and they had a change of heart. Paul felt a little bad about them being sad, but not as bad as he was glad about the change that they had. Whatever Paul wrote, it was a “hard truth.” Something he felt compelled to say, a correction he felt he had to give.
How do we know when a hard truth needs to be spoken? How can it be shared in loving ways?
Poet Mary Ann Pietzker counsels us to first ask, “Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?” In her book Loving Corrections, adrienne maree brown teaches, “Truth without kindness can veer into cruelty. Truth that is unnecessary can cause harm.”
Motivation, intention, relationship, timing, emotions, context, power dynamics all factor into determining necessity. Those same things also help us discern if something is a truth or simply our truth—our opinion or perspective. Perhaps truth is something that calls both the speaker and the hearer to account, to consider turning their hearts towards healing.
Unnecessary truths spoken carelessly hurt. Necessary truths spoken with lovingkindness heal.
Prayer
Grant me the courage to discern and speak truths, the wisdom to determine when they’re necessary, and the compassion to speak them in lovingkindness. Amen.
About the AuthorChris Mereschuk (He/Him) is an Unsettled Pastor based in Northampton, MA. He is the Founder of RevCJM, LLC Consulting & Coaching, specializing in vitality, transformation, and Legacy.